I would give the Bobbies in London the day off and take Julian Assange to lunch at the Savoy to reminisce about the good old days in Lismore and pick his brain for some juicy global gossip. I'd tell Sweden to pull its blonde head in and stop being so frickin' bitchy and self-righteous. You're very beautiful, yes and clever with furniture and such, but your legal system has more holes in it than Swiss cheese. The boy was framed and the rest of the world knows it. There's more beneath that fjard than meets the eye, eh?
While I was at it I'd get Sweden to look at their idiotic and irrational inheritance laws as well and give some of/ most of the Stieg Larsson trust to his de facto wife Eva Gabrielsson. I'd make Sweden stand in the corner for a good while over that one! And Britain...you can't storm a foreign embassy just because it's in your town...it doesn't work that way...okay? You can't change the rules as you go along or you'll end up with no-one wanting to play with you. Honestly, countries behaving badly!
Zipping over to Russia, I'd send Putin to the school of laughter to learn how to laugh at himself (that's in Australia because we do know how to mock ourselves mercilessly and we don't throw people into jail for making a creative and poignant statement about current affairs). Our entire entertainment industry is based on satire and parody. In Russia you get imprisoned for speaking out against the government. I would immediately release those lovely Pussy Riot gals and sink a few vodka shots with them to celebrate the notion of 'freedom'.
I'd announce a global edict that celebrated gay marriage.
I'd make attendance at ethical, humane classes mandatory for all fundamental religious enthusiasts.
I'd divert money from military expenditure toward feeding third world countries.
I'd abolish prisons and create health and mental well-being 'psychiatric hospitals' to help care for and rehabilitate violent and tortured 'criminals' who have found themselves through environmental or biological reasons to be out of balance with society. They would be removed from mainstream society but treated humanely while we try to understand how such anomalies of spirit can and do occur and we would work toward prevention and cure.
I would overhaul the education system in such a way that it was holistic and effective instead of being a model of learning that is designed to constrict rather than construct the evolving adult spirit.
I would decriminalise drug use and regulate the industry with the support and advice of a crack team of medical professionals. Drug use is a medical issue as is addiction and can not be 'treated' by imprisonment.
I would outlaw the use of corn syrup in 'food'.
I would make health care/dental care free and available.
I would prohibit politicians from wearing business suits.
I would make today pajama day.
'Always look on the bright side of life' by Eric Idle would become the global anthem.
Refugees would be welcomed with compassion by countries with room to spare.
I would start an Olympics for artistic pursuits...dance, drama, art and music...but it would be about sharing not gold medals.
I would award myself an honorary Academy Award and Johnny Depp would present me with it. Slurp. 'Thanks so much Johnny'......
That's just for starters......tomorrow I'd tackle racism, sexism and some major environmental issues.....
That's my megalomaniac blog rant for the day.......Peace out.
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