Oscars

Oscar

I soooo want to win an Academy Award one day. It's an obsession that has melted into my DNA so that I couldn't get over it, even if I wanted to. Seriously, if someone told me that there was no possible way I could ever win one because a crystal ball had told them so, I'd probably kill myself. It's that bad.

When I told my eight year old daughter that the Oscars were on this coming Monday, she asked me if I was nominated. My belief that I will win one is clearly contagious. I don't care what category I win in. As a child I assumed it would be for Best Actress, but I'm becoming less sure of that now. My late career change into a writer means I might win it for Best Screenplay. You know, it doesn't matter, so long as that golden statue is sitting on my mantelpiece sooner rather than later.

I shared the same acting agency as Russel Crowe....that's a tenuous connection. I've been filmed by Dean Semler who won a Best Cinematography Oscar for Dances with Wolves....a closer connection perhaps. I share a publisher with Diablo Cody (Best Screenplay Gold for Juno)...that's stretching things a bit. I was once friends with one of Nicole Kidman's friends.

 I can smell it, it's so close.

Four years ago I was homeless. Literally. I was living in a two room tent with my husband and three of my children...and I was depressed, overweight and drinking myself to death. I was feeling like my life was over. The thing that got me through that was my belief in my Oscar because I had once had a dream as a five year old girl that I was on a stage collecting one....and it felt so real that I woke up just knowing that it was my destiny. So from the gutter, I pulled myself up, found a house, got happy, did a law degree in record time, wrote a book, got shortlisted for a Queensland Premier's Literary Award and I am now just about to have that book out on the shelves. If I can go from homeless to here in less than five years....I give myself another five to get an Oscar.

I dare myself.

My tips for this 2012 Oscars


Best Actress... Meryl Streep.
Best Actor...George Clooney
Best Film ....that silent one.
Best Director.....Marty Scorsese

Impatience!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is about a month to go before this darn book is released. I am so very, very, almost a published writer. I am in that awful waiting place. How will it all go? Will people like it or hate it? Have I gone too far? Gone overboard with gory details of my life that will make people cringe.............Will my friends and family stop talking to me....will people look at me in the street saying 'Oh there's that girl who was a teenage slut!'

Yes. I was a very accommodating young woman...particularly if you'd appeared on Countdown. But it was FUN! And I do not ever regret my mayhem. In life I am pretty over-the-top in everything I do....I have to do everything bigger and better than anyone else. I do just about everything to excess.With music, I was not content to just listen to rock n' roll....I had to devour the musicians. A rock 'n roll vampire. I am just now, having doubts about how that will be perceived by the public. I can always point to my current life - a mother of five, ecstatically married to someone I've been with for ten years. I have a law degree. I bake. I am obsessively house-proud. I live in Brisbane for goodness sake. It doesn't get more conventional than that!

I can always back away from the 'slut' label by showing how much I've grown up. But, if I did go to the Duran Duran concert in March this year and I did get the opportunity to catch up with the boys........what would I do??? Would I drag out the FM boots and tease up the hair, tuck my flab into stretchy pants and slap on too much lippie? Would I? It's hard to say.

I got an email from another ex-groupie today to tell me that she has pre-ordered my book. That's at least one sale. That won't quite buy me a good coffee but it's a promising start to sell a book a month before it's out. I considered opening a new hotmail account and ordering a few copies myself...that might get the booksellers excited.

I am busy trying to get myself in shape...flitting from Dukan to Atkins to Vegan to Paleo to Perricone ...because when I do publicity for this book I don't want people saying...'Look at her...what band would ever have shagged that!' Did I mention that was all 25-30 years ago!!

The book launch is on April 20th at Avid Reader in West End, Brisbane (6:00 p.m) and is being launched by the irrepressible Benjamin Law. That's 57 days away. I reckon I can lose ten kilos in that time and turn back the clock by about ten years. I'll do Tracey Anderson workouts daily, eat nibbles of nothing, get my teeth veneered, filler for that crease between my eyes that my kids call my Cro-Magnon line, rub salmon into my face and lay off the booze....

I'll start tomorrow.

In the mean time............I wait..............I have a copy of the book. It's very pink. I've read it so many times I can recite it from memory.

Another friend, a children's writer, sent me an article the other day, about the reality of being a writer and the hopelessness of the dream....as if you'll be a bestseller....nobody cares....you'll be lucky to make back your advance (trust me I won't have to sell many to do that!!!) It was very negative but coming from where I am..........housebound, broke, bored....just the book launch sounds like the highlight of the last few years. It'll mean a babysitter and a reason to dress up. If that's as good as it get's, that's good enough! Rubbish. I want to sell more books than anyone else has ever...including The Bible and that thing by Dan Brown.

I google my book incessantly, wonder what Oprah will make of it and pray to all the various gods to please let someone buy the film rights.

But there is more than a month to go..............I can't stand it. The suspense is killing me. 

In the mean time........I continue to write. I am doing a tribute to Jackie Collins with a glitzy min-series styled blockbuster. Collins has sold about 400 million books and as Samuel Johnson said ' No man but a blockhead ever wrote except for money.'

I do hope people buy my book. Lots and lots of people.   

Search This Blog

Follow me by Email